April 7, 2011

Vulnerability

I think people desire vulnerability.  Based on the response to this blog post, it’s obvious that we respond when others are vulnerable. Is it because we live in a culture that so often focuses on appearances and impressing others?  Are we longing  for something that’s real?  Maybe.

About a week and a half ago, I saw a TED talk by Brene Brown posted on facebook.  It was called, The Power of Vulnerability.  The timing seemed perfect since I’ve been thinking so much about my own desire to be genuine and authentic.  I watched it right away.  I watched it again later that night.  I think I’ve watched it about five times since.

Something about it really struck me.

I definitely identified with the feeling of being not enough.  I think we all know that feeling.  I’m not skinny enough… I’m not pretty enough…I’m not smart enough…. and on and on.

Earlier last year I came down with a big fat case of the “not enough’s”.  I’m not sure why, but for some reason I was feeling, ugly, awkward, and unstylish.  Now I haven’t always felt that way.  And in my head I know those things aren’t true.  But even with people telling me things that were quite the contrary, I still couldn’t seem to really embody and believe it.

So I sought some wise counsel and have worked through a lot of those things.  It’s been good.

Really good.

Back to Brene Brown…..

One of the things she talks about is those she calls the “whole hearted”.  People who live from their whole heart.  One of the things that characterizes the whole hearted is a strong sense of love and belonging.  Why do they have that?  Simply this….. they BELIEVE they are worthy of love and belonging.

BAM!

That was me in a sense.  When I’ve had such a hard time with my “not enough’s”, in some ways I haven’t believed I’m worthy of love and belonging.  Only in some ways.  In other ways I feel worthy and deserving.  But doesn’t it seem like those places we feel weak or insufficient end up feeling huge and overshadowing the good and confident side of us at times?

Well, I don’t want to live in the land of “not enough’s”.  I want to live a life of abundance.  I want to live as the whole hearted live: courageous, imperfect, compassionate, and real.  To allow myself to be seen.  Deeply.  To love with my whole heart, even though there are no guarantees.  To practice gratitude and joy.  To let go of who I think I should be and be who I actually am.  To tell the story of who I am with my whole heart, and to be vulnerable.

For what makes me vulnerable makes me beautiful.

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